Aint life grand!

WOW! I dont know if Im living in a fantacy or what but I swear that since we have moved into the new apt. life is running soooooo smoothe!...I finally got approved for my SSDI! yipppppies! that has been a 4 yr battle..WOW what a first check! then my ebay store, or should i say craigs store ( in his name) has just shot off the page....then and old friend finally paid me the $2,000.00 she owed me AND...get this!....I finally got my all the credits I needed for my masters degree!...oh ya AND...Im losing weight!...the new dietbeties meds the doc started me on r working, keeping my sugar under 150 so as a by-product to that ive lost 45 pounds in 1 month. doc says im fine...that its due to the diet changes Ive made to accomidate the dietbeties finally showing...itll tapor off eventually. Pain is still a large part of everyday but I honestly beleive that after i shed 200 more pounds Ill lose alot of that too.

not so grand....

we r flying to Fla ( from cali) in june. To visit the family....dads not doing too well....mom says he just gave up when she put him in the old folks home ( for therapy only...not to live.the aggreement was that he would have to stay there til he was able to walk...) But really....she couldnt handle him anymore...he was 300+ pounds to my moms 150 and whenever he fell she would have to call the fire department to come and get him off the floor. and he fell often. Hes been forgetting things for over 2 yrs now and even had a shunt put in his head to keep the fluids off his brain but now hes worse. Mom said that the other day she went to visit him ( she goes everyday & sits with him for 3-4 hours) and he was in the bathroom just sitting in his wheelchair starring at the wall...when she asked him if he was ok he said..ya...just have to go poo. she then went to talk to the nurses and found out that hes been going in there & just sitting in the wheelchair 6-7 times a day...not trying to get on the pot...or accepting / asking for help...then of course he poops his pants...he doesnt talk to anyone...barely responds when spoken too...its sad really...

I remember as a kid I told ppl that my dad had 2 brains cuz nobody could be that smart & only have 1...

a happy memory...

when I was 14 dad & I had a game....he was always studying something...after he would read some HUGE book about something technical...he would tell me to open the book anywhere...pick a paragraph and read him 2 sentances....he would then tell me the page # and the paragraph i read... His mind was like a trap. these books were always waaay over 900 pages thick too!...

wonder if Ill cry at his funeral...if I do it will be for the waisted relationship. He was my hero until I found out that he was molesting me. After that all was lost...i had to live with him but I didnt have to like him....and I didnt for over 30 yrs. Recently he called me and told me that it was all his fault( mom got tired of my anger about it always focused at her and told him to call me and say something ...)...that he was wrong...even tho I knew that he would /will never admit that to mom or my brother, i felt validated somehow...I forgave him when he asked me too....so sad that that was only 4 months ago. It amazes me that in a matter of a few words I felt the anger of 30+ yrs lift off me...but alot of time has passed and its not just the issue of the molesting anymore....theres the times I would tell a family member(aunt...uncle) and he would say nothing while my mom would tell them that I was lying....and the times he would say off colored remarks like...."i know I didnt satisfy u but is that any reason to make my life a living hell?...or u know that no-one will beleive u over me"....I understand he was on serviver mode...but so was I.

So with over 30 yrs since Ive really talked to him and the entire length of USA between us and his mind going....I really dont know him.

so sad.