My thoughts on the Gastric Bypass

All along Ive been counting on the gastric bypass to lose weight. Not that I couldnt lose it myself but that it would be easier!...hmmmm

my ex sent me a websight of this lady who was my size in may of 2003....had the surgery and made a written & picture journal of it all...hmmmm

On this website there were nude pics of her extra skin...wowzer! lotsa extra skin.

lately she has added pics of the reconstructive surgeries shes had....4 to date....hmmmmm

after looking at the latest pics....im rethinking the surgery. she looks alot like Frankenstien. scar from armpit to elbow, completely around her waist, from knee to pub....up either side of her pubic hair. scars under each boob...and she still needs at least 2 more surgeries...just to getrid of the skin


I figure that all that PLUS the surgery to cut off her intestines & stomach might be a bit too much for me...Soooo

Unless something changes my mind....ill just diet to lose the weight...never had a problem...when i set my mind to it...just the life long thing of keeping it off is what i question about myself. Up until recently...the loosing weight was just for looks but now its a health issue. I just dont wanna open a new can-o-worms with all those surgeries.

I still plan to keep a pic journel tho. also remember that Ill probably will still need to get alot of skin cut off after I lose it...makes more sense to me to forgo the the gastric bypass....healthier too.

todays reflections

So what!~ I cant spell & puncuation bores me. My gifts lay elsewhere.

Still no coke & still smokeless!...stopped counting cuz it just reminds me what im missing.

~to leslie... I am what I am, I do not pretend, never will...never have. If u saw something different...thats on u.

~to Danielle....thnx bud.

Friends r gr8!... some came around today...just to see if all was good...it was...too0k pics & added em to my flickr....go look.

nothin better on a hot day then good friends & a cold beer....or 4

Life is good.
later =^..^=

When kids talk to God.

>1. Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and
>Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
> Amanda
>
>
>
>2. Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for
>was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it
>up.
> Joyce
>
>
>
>3. Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people
>to come apart I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
> Janet
>
>
>
>4. God, I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell
>me.
> Love Alison
>
>
>
>5. Dear God, how did you know you were God? Who told you?
> Charlene
>
>
>
>6. Dear God, is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses
>his golf words in the house?
> Anita
>
>
>
>7. Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody
>in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can
>never do it.
> Nancy
>
>
>
>8. Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them.
>You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too.
> Glenn
>
>
>
>9. Dear God, my Grandpa says you were around when he was a little
>boy. How far back do you go?
> Love, Dennis
>
>
>10. Dear God, do you draw the lines around the countries? If you
>don't, who does?
> Nathan
>
>
>
>11. Dear God, did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was
>it an accident?
> Norma
>
>
>
>12. Dear God, in bible times, did they really talk that fancy?
> Jennifer
>
>
>
>13. Dear God, how come you did all those miracles in the old days
>and don't do any now?
> Billy
>
>
>
>14. Dear God, please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp
>this year.
> Peter
>
>
>
>15. Dear God, maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much
>if they each had their own
>rooms. It works out OK with me and my brother.
> Larry
>
>
>
>16. Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet.
> What's up? Don't forget.
> Mark
>
>
>
>17. Dear God, my brother told me about how you are born but it
>just doesn't sound right.
>What do you say?
> Marsha
>
>
>
>18. Dear God, if you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my
>new shoes.
> Barbara
>
>
>
>19. Dear God, is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just
>know him through the business?
> Donny
>
>
>
>20. Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God than
>you. Well, I just want you to
>know that I am not just saying that because you are already God.
> Charles
>
>
>
>21. Dear God, it is great the way you always get the stars in the
>right place. Why can't you do that with the moon?
> Jeff
>
>
>
>22. Dear God, I am doing the best I can. Really !!!!
> Frank
>
>
>
>And, saving the best for last
>
>23. Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw
>the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool.
> Thomas

Ever notice the gross things some people do?...
Last week, I was sitting in my wheelchair at a redlight. The was an older guy standing abit in front , to the left of me. I was kinda daydreaming when I noticed that he was picking a scab at his fore arm....OMG! then he ate it!...I swear...Needless to say I almost gagged.
Then Satarday, I was out doing errands and while in line at Micky D's I actually saw a man....a father with several children pick a zit on his neck....AND EAT IT! I lost my apitite & left.
Naturally; after that I started to watch people around me...to be more observant of what they do.
My landlord always has this toothpick in his mouth. It just sits there, to the side like it grew there. I saw him pick his teeth with it, pull it out to look at it....then put it back in his mouth to clean it!...why? Does it only work if u look at it?...why not toss the toothpick & get another one? ....or at least wipe the darn thing off first!!!...Thats taking oral etupus to the extreme!.

Then theres the funny things people do....when they think its annonomous.

I know this person....who will remain nameless....she will cock a cheek & fart anywhere...the louder the better....the stinkier it is...the funnyer it is. But IF she makes any noise while in a public bathroom stall?...she lifts her feet!...rotf...I guess the setting has alot to do with it. Id be intrested in hearing some of the things all of you have noticed about those around you.

later
=^..^=

50 things i could be doing other then blogging

What does one do , when one can't sleep.....MAKE A STUPID LIST!

1. researching for the book I promised myself Id write before I died.
2. cleaning the bathroom.
3. Sleeping.
4. giving myself a pedicure.
5. reading other peoples blogs.
6. watching TV
7. taking pictures.
7. playing with my cats.
8. vacuming the carpet.
9. Dusting
10. writting long overdue letters to family & friends.
11. beading
12. quilting
13. finishing the shirt I started 3 weeks ago.
14. mending
15. having sex. (ya lol right!)
16. moisturising my skin.
17. day dreaming.
18. reading the newspaper
19. reading Rosies book.
20. digging thru the fridge for something to snack on.
21. sorting all the sox in the soxbox.
22. doing a puzzle.
23. make fraces at myself in the mirror.
24. design the cat-tree i want to build one day.
25. play online games.
26. shave my head...oh! i already did that.
27. shop on ebay....again
28. fold my underware...ya! right
29. count pennies.
30. roll pennies.
31. get drunk...oh ya...i dont drink.
32. do more work on the christmas presants Im making.
33. shave some ice.
34. did i already say play with the cats?...well..play more then.
35. clean out the fridge.
36. write a letter to the Bush admin telling them what a crappy job theyre doing.
37. call my Mom.
38. bake some cookies....hmmmm :)
39. Eat cookies :)
40. reorganise all my computer stuff.
41. think of better lists to blog.
42. ...and shorter ones.
43. do the laundry.
44. brush the cats.
45. bead both the kitties a stretchy collar.
46. TRIM the cats nails!!!!
47. read online more about homeopathic medicine.
48. Work on my scrapbooking.
49. clean out my filing cabinet.
50. clean my hard drive.

the end.
later all =^..^=

What id tell Ro....If I could

I hesitate responding to Ro's blog, altho I read it everyday. Why?...Probably due to the fact that Im always # 3000000000000 and Im sure she cant possibly have the time to read em all....and if so...by the time she got to mine...she'd probably be too tired to really absorb my witt & wisdom & I would want her to. So this is what I would tell her....If I could.

Ro~
U have got to be the most wonderfully, insane, unselfish, brave woman I have EVER come... across? & yet ur soooo normal. Granted my oppinions are derived from seeing ur work (movies), ur show & reading ur blog, but i think that Ive seen enough of ur imperfections to tell that ur sincere in ur expressed passions. Kids, Family & kindness.
Obviously ur Movies dont portray U but the ones u choose to do....do. Ur show was mostly u...although I heard that u struggled to keep "U" in it. BRAVO!!

I find myself wanting to give u words that convey the ...for lack of better words...comfort that u spread....pure yellow. U've touched so many people, given alot back to the yellow. Yet u dont boast...I hear ur sadness that u cant give more....that u cant solve everybody's woes. U are so much a better person than I...lol. Id have no problems tunning out. lol

Although we dont run in the same financial circles....or even the same social circles & definitely not political. ( i read ur oppinions & get sooo lost...its all i can do to remember what butthead is in office this time).) I feel like we have alot in common...I think thats why so many people love u....we all feel like we have alot in common with u.
Its my opinion that ur humor was developed as a tool for survival. Those of us that have childhood woulds all find & use such tools. Ur humor made us stop & listen....ur sincerity makes us listen deeper....but ur steadfast kindness...ur reaching out & allowing us to be a part of ur yellow is what keeps us tuned into u. Ive noticed that humor isnt prevalent in ur blogs....just statements, understandings, oppinions. Bravo!

I dont mean to ramble on...to gush about u...ive read those comments & quite frankly some sounded like they were caught up un the fame of talking to u. Does it feel like everyone wants a tiny piece of u?...I dont want a piece ro....just wanted to give u some of my yellow....
In closing Id like to pass along something that my Dad told me as a kid....I live by it.

People are like lighthouses...
Some shine their light on rocky shores to warn people away.

others shine it on calm water...
to show a safe haven.
And others shine their light on calm waters...

then once its too late to change coarse...
they reveal the rocks.

In my opinion u ro show the rocks and try to be a safe haven.
Just remember that u cant & arent s'pose to save everyone.

u've been given a gift....thanx for sharing it.

ur stranger friend,
Toni =^..^=



thats what Id say...then Id ask her if she wanted to go fishing!...lmao

midnight snax

Yesterday went by in a whirlwind so I didnt get a chance to post. As all oreintations mine was borrrrring!...lecture on saftey, privacy & cheerfulness took FOREVER!....cant wear shorts or open toed shoe....must wear the red jacket they issue... got ID pics...and blood work + shot! So...far as long as Im a volunteer....ill be sporting my bald head on my ID...good grief! unless I wanna p[ay to replace it....nope....let em think im nutz!

came home & played with the kitties...loved on the cats and fell asleep around 9 pm....
sooooooooo
now Im awake and waiting on good ol craig to get back from the taco bell drive thru...yummy....HURRY CRAIG!!!!!
talk to u'all leter...after i sleep s'more
~later all

It said " If u see this then u have to do this" from a stanger friends blog

Shamelessly stolen. If you see this on my blog, you have to do this. X means you have done it.

(x) Smoked a joint
( ) Been in a wet t-shirt contest.
(x) Crashed a car
( ) Stolen a car
(x) Been in love
(x) Had a threesome
(x) Been dumped
(x) Shoplifted
(XXXXXX) Been fired lmao
(x) Been in a fist fight
(x) Snuck out of the house (and in)
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) Been arrested (not yet)
(x) Made out with a stranger
( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Lied to a friend
(x) Had a crush on a teacher
( ) Been to Europe
(x) Skipped school
( ) Seen someone die
( ) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar (i'm good at holding out for the toilet)
(x) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire ( my palm with a bic)
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone from the internet in person
( ) Been moshing at a concert
(x) Been in an abusive relationship
(x) Taken painkillers
(x) Love someone or miss someone right now
(x) Laid and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) Made a snow angel
(x) Had a tea party
(x) Flown a kite
(x) Built a sand castle
(x) Gone puddle jumping
(x) Played dress up
(x) Jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) Gone sledding
(x) Cheated while playing a game
(x) Been lonely
(x) Fallen asleep at work/school
(x) Used a fake ID
(x) Watched the sun set
(x ) Felt an earthquake( i live in So. cal)
(x) Touched a snake
(x) Slept beneath the stars
(x) Been tickled
(x) Been robbed
(x) Been misunderstood
(x) Pet a reindeer/goat (both)
(x) Won a contest
(x) Run a red light
( ) Been suspended from school
(x) Been in a car accident
( ) Had braces
(x) Felt like an outcast (who doesn't)
( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night (i think i would throw up)
(x) Had deja vu
(x) Danced in the moonlight (many times)
(x) Hated the way you look
(x) Witnessed a crime
( ) Pole danced
( ) Been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) Walked barefoot through the mud
(x) Been lost
(x) Been to the opposite side of the world ( s. Korea & Germany...US Army)
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying.
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers (yesterday)
( ) Sung karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with only coins (i'm in college, what did you expect?)
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't (haven't we all)
(x) Made prank phone calls when you were younger
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced naked in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Had a bonfire on the beach
( ) Crashed a party
( ) Gone rollerblading
(x) Had a wish come true
(x) Worn pearls
(x) Jumped off a bridge
(x) Screamed the word penis in public (in 3 languages!)
( ) Ate dog/cat food
( ) Told a complete stranger you loved them
(x ) Kissed a mirror
(x) Sang in the shower
(x) Owned a little black dress
(x) Had a dream that you married someone
( ) Glued your hand to something
( ) Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole (worse...and ice tray)
( ) Kissed a fish
(x) Worn the opposite sex's clothes
(x) Been a cheerleader
(x) Sat on a roof top
(x) Screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) Done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) Stayed up all night
(x) Didn't take a shower for a week (camping)
(x) Picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) Climbed a tree (favorite pasttime as a child)
(x) Had a tree house
( ) Are (NOT) scared to watch scary movies
(x) Believe in ghosts
( ) Have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(x) Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) Gone streaking
(x) Played chicken
(x) Been skinny dipping
(x) Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x) Been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger
(x) Broken a bone
(x) Been easily amused
(x) Caught a fish then ate it
(x) Caught a butterfly
(x) Laughed so hard you cried ( and wet my pants!)
(x) Cried so hard you laughed
(x) Mooned/flashed someone (or everyone)
(x) Had someone moon/flash you
(x) Cheated on a test
(x) Forgotten someone's name.
(x) Slept naked
( ) French braided someone's hair
( )Grown a beard- not yet but menopause is here so we will see

Your Rising Sign is Scorpio

You're so intense and passionate - you're on fire! You want to be an angel or a devil... you can't decide which. No wonder you seem moody and even a little dangerious. You've got some major mystery going on, so work it! Your personality is the strongest of all signs, making you hard to deal with. While you're ruthless to your enemies, you're loyal to your one true love.

What is Your Rising Sign?

my kisses

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

me me me

Your Birthdate: October 25

Your birth on the 25th day of the month (7 energy) modifies your life path by giving you some special interest in technical, scientific, or other complex and often hard to understand subjects. You may become something of a perfectionist and a stickler for details. Your thinking is logical and intuitive, rational and responsible. Your feelings may run deep, but you are not very likely to let them show. This birthday makes you a more private person, more introspective and perhaps more inflexible. In friendships you are very cautious and reserved. You are probably inventive, and given to unique approaches and solutions.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

hehe....any vanilla's out there?

You Are Rocky Road Ice Cream

Unpredictable and wild, you know how to have fun. You're also a trendsetter who takes risks with new things. You know about the latest and greatest - and may have invented it. You are most compatible with vanilla ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

...and again

Your Power Color Is Magenta

At Your Highest: You energize yourself and push others to suceed. At Your Lowest: You feel frustrated and totally overwhelmed. In Love: You are suprised by who you attract. You're a love magnet. How You're Attractive: Open and free spirited, people want to explore the world with you. Your Eternal Question: "What is my next source of inspiration?"

What's Your Power Color?

TY DAWN

Your Hidden Talent

You are both very knowledgeable and creative. You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential. Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them. As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

thnx Dawn...i snagged this from ur blog

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Another day in paradise

Today was a "day off"....
no appointments or respondsibilities.
what did i do?....

EBAYYYYYYYY!!!!

I bought an awesome tent and 2 airbeds!
some friends an I r planning a camping trip before the summer slips by.

they pay for the campsite....we pay for the skidoos. all chip in on the food!...
1 whole week at Lake Perris...by the dam....fresh water fun! I cant wait!! I will definitely share the pics with y'all...lol. A BIG bonfire too!...somemores anyone?

still need to find someone I trust to babysit the cats...lol maybe David...hes cool.


lets see what else did I do?.....

bought 3 sets of sheets for the beds...mine (1 set) craigs (2 sets)

bought new flea collars for all the "kids" and perm collars for the babes & other flea stuff as a back up..

ordered & had shipped a fathers day & moms day gift to parents...a wedding gift for my nephew from my online store...or the inventory of it....still need to set it up.

tomorrow starts the volunteering with an orientation & blood tests. They say they now require that all help get a shot for mumps or measles...whatevers comming back & 2 neg titer tests TB. Looking forward to doing this...been talking about it for over a yr.

I washed windows...in & out...phew! not as exhilarating as ebay but much needed.

Craig got the oil changed in the car and went around town paying the bills. Again the jerk in 88 ( the apt we want ) paid so itll be atleast another week...sigh

16 days since I had a diet coke.....4 days since a smoke. so far it aint hard at all....say ur prayers for me...longest without a smoke was 11 days.

with that Ill close for now.
~later all
=^..^=

Todays rambles

Just got back from having my Lung Function test done....unofficially - I passed. I get told officially on the 27th. Next stop is the consultation with the surgeons. Who knows when that'll be.

Got the new camera Ive been waiting for. Ebay is a blessing!. I saved $400.00!!

the new Babies r adorable...as all babies r. here r some pics with the new camera...of the new babies. Each has a different personality. Dusty (m) likes to rough house...we try to discourage it tho...remember Im use to the BIG cats & always teach passivness ....Sunshine (f)is the kisser. She wants nuttin but lovin. Guess whos mine (F) and whos my roomies (M) lol Sunshine is the cutie pie with the black face....Dusty has stripes.

baldness

It has taken only a few days for my head to go from charlie brown bald, to tennis ball fuzz....lol It feels like the fuzzy side of velcro. Very liberating!!!!
what Ive found out with my bald head.
1. I have no scars.
2. I have no 6's.
3. I can feel the softest breeze on my scalp.
4. I like the feeling of my head on my pillow.
5. i dont have dandriff
6. people get use to it fast.
7. People tell me Im brave not stupid...lol
8. my head is very round

although I dont plan on doing this again im really enjoying it.
BALD GIRLS ARISE!!!!

A new begining

Im off today to apply as a volenteer at the local Veterans Hospitol!...First time Ive even tried to work in about 10 yrs. Im all prettyed up and after this smoke Im off. Wish me luck!
~later

The anger...

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. That was harder for me to admit then it was to say.

Lastnight I admitted to myself that our relationship was definately over....had been since march. No more friends. no more listening to your convincing lies, wondering who you were actually with. No one spends THAT much time with their Moms!. Stupid me, so stupidly infatuated with someone who can't be themselves. Your reason for the break up was that you have fibromyalgia and it hurts too much to be touched, that you didnt want to hold me down....in retrospect your an ass and im gullible: an ass that you kept dangling a carrot in front of.

Your parting shot was that you tried to be what I wanted. How asinine! all i ever wanted was to be able to trust...what you said, what I saw In you (what you presented yourself to be), you with my heart.

Ya ya ya, I know I went manic a few times with all the doubt I kept inside. Ya ya ya I know that caused you stress. But no ones perfect & I recovered fast enough.

My Dad once told me that ...
"people are like lighthouses,
some shine their light to warn others of danger.
some use their light to show the way to a save haven.
and others show their light as if to guide to safety but at the last minute...when its too late, they shine on the rocks, the danger".

People like you leave a wake of pain, sadness and scars but I refuse to pitty you. I refuse to pitty me. I refuse to stay in this pit of sadness that you have tried to imprison me. You stay there, I dont like the company.

This post is an epitaph of my time with you. I will not read it again. Let it stand as written, errors included, they make their own silent statement. I will take the lessons I have again learned and carry on....

The Tasmainian Tiger

Can anyone tell me why we are cloning this animal?

Sunday's Fiasco

lastnight I thought id trim my hair. Ive done it before...Its easy
but...I musta shifted my attention for just a second and disaster struck.
I was using electric clippers and smack!. I created a bald spot!...I tried to fix it...ummmm...my atempts ended up in a cockeyed mohawk. Christ! im 46...I have no bussiness wearing my head in a mohawk. so with all the confidence I could muster...I continued to "fix" it. I kept running the childhood scene from when my mom would attempt to trim my bangs & kept trying until there were just lil spikes about 1/4 inch sticking straight up.
So, I stuck my tongue out in concentration and tugged along thru this...it couldnt be too hard...right?
WRONG...
I now sport a doo that from the front I resemble charlie brown & from the back I look alot like Winston Churchill!. Mercy! I am bald!...to the skin.... I look like aomeone who has endured 3 rounds of chemo. whoa-is-me!
Then...
I cleaned up the hair & there was alot of it, tossed it in the toilet...flushed, rinsed the sink and noticed that the sink wasnt draining. I turned to the toilet and saw that all that hair wouldnt flush & I had clogged the toilet too!...now im bald & starting to panic cuz I dont wanna have the landlord see my baldness. so I start to plunge...I plunge with all my heart & soul...that moment I became a plunging maniac...the toilet reluctantly flushed so naturally I thought I could do the same to the sink, thinking ill scrub it afterwards. so in the sink goes the plunger...up down up down faster & faster... over & over...

did u know that the sink has a hole near the rim?
hell I didnt...till a mixture of hair & water showered all over me. So now im a bald plunging wet hair mess...and all 4 of my cats decide that they want to use the litter box!...in the bathroom. well I had to stay in there because I put draino in the sink...and it sat there...at the bottom...real nice like. My cats drink from the bathroom faucet (we leave a slow stream running for them) & I didnt want them to think the water in the sink was to drink...

so now im a sweaty bald wet & hairy plunging maniac...sitting on the pot watching 4 cats shuffle around and stink up the air.

did u ever notice that cats take forever to go potty? Mercy!

and I didnt even have my smokes.

Finally I shew'd the felines out, sprayed some much needed scent and got to hop in the shower to wash all the itchy hair off.
notice I did not say that I continued to work on the sink. I gave in and called the landlord , who promptly told me that he would call in the morning & get a plummer out here... IN THE MORNING!!!!!

who is going to sit on the pot & watch my kitties poop!

3 hours later I realise that all I have to do is move the litter box out of the bathroom & close the door....then get a bowl of water...

as far as I can see there is only one damn thing that was a positive in the hair trimming fiasco....I had something to blog about!...yea me


such is a normal day in my life.
moral of the day?
pay the damn $5.00 to get ur hair trimmed!


~later

What makes a relationship sour?

1. non communication
2. time passing with no interaction
3. loss of trust
4. only one person working to make it work.

How can a person be so active sexually for a year

then....

tell you that it has always hurt to have you touch them?

now...

I KNOW that Im a sensitive person...Im one of those people that actually wants & enjoys pleasing...

but...

come on! there is absolutely NO WAY i couldve been making love to her ...been hurting her (even when we just cuddled) and not felt a reaction of somesort....
is there?...

My God!!!

it crushes me to think that that my attention has been hurting her & she didnt feel comfortable enough to tell me.

am I...

so blind that i cant feel a recoil from pain....no matter how slight?

confused...

I know that fibromyagia sux, that you hurt alot with it.

but still...

there must be some days that the pain isnt so bad that a soft caress or a hug is acceptable.

also...

what about all those times she was the aggresser?

and now she says...

that she doesnt want to be gf's...that she cant drag me thru or hold me back because of her medical issues. That if she ever wanted a gf...id be the one.

and...

she says she still loves me. that Im her adorable woman...

i think...

shes an awesome lady, that shes just the right combination of witty, smart, funny, loving, giving, well rounded person.

she called me her soulmate....

now im her special friend. so sad.

Dear God,

please dont send another lady my way that lives more than 30 mins away...
and PLEASE make me sensitive and attentitive enough to make sure Im not causing her pain. it hurts too much.

Amen.

It amazes me that so much time has passed since my last blog!...
feels like yesterday.

Ive been busy...after I caught up on sleep!...
I read ro's blog from the begining...wow! she sure has alot to say....

I bought an awesome digital camera from ebay...cant wait til it gets here!

2 new furry babies now reside in our home...we still have to name them!...6 weeks old but eating food! yippie!

roomies work hours r gettin ready to change....un-yippie...
but the pay is the same...re-yippie!

still waiting for the new apt. the jerk living there keeps paying his rent....grrrrrr.

got my glucose moniter today...clocked in at 286!...gotta bring it down!

thinking of going to see ro's tommy in his new movie today....wanting to understand his newfound cockiness.
will fill u in tomarrow....maybe :)

out here....